My heart has weighed so heavy as of lately. The flood of emotions can overwhelm me sometimes.
I care for the sick and dying on a regular basis at work, but I have never been so attached to a patient as I have been of lately. I cry with my patient and his family, I'm a strong advocate for them, I help educate them on what the doctor's just said when they realized they were in shock with the news, I sit and talk with them, but most of all I love them..DEARLY.. I come home depressed and sad when my patient had a rough day. I think about my patient and his family when I'm off work. I am praying constantly for them.
They feel like a family because we share such a special bond. Faithfulness has been God's constant reminder to me while caring for them. Just like the wife, never leaves her husband's side...for weeks...so our Savior never leaves us in times of trouble. I have my doubts, but then, God paints this beautiful picture for me. A wife being faithful to husband through it all..through the hurt, struggles, tears, unknowns.
Life can be bitterly disappointing. A family/loved one's sudden illness, a random job loss, financial struggles or difficulties, burdensome responsibilities, the stress of school, adjusting/raising children (there's no instruction booklet? What!?) Sometimes it seems like life is so hard and you had hoped for something better than it actually turned out to be. But what instead of getting depressed, upset, or grasping for something "better," we just stop and realize God may be using this as a time to remind us of one thing: We (Christians- aka those who have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior) are not made for this world. We should have the groans and yearnings for a world much better than this. The comforts of this world are not what my soul longs for, but my flesh, yes. It's a battle. An inward struggle. But praise be the Lord for using the Holy Spirit to shed light where darkness seeks to devour!
As I was driving home the other night, I was balling. It just all hit me and I could not stop. Not tears of stress or just being tired, but longing for something more than this life has ever been able to offer. I came home, bypassed my husband and crazy dog and jumped in the shower for some alone time. Eventually my husband checked in with me, and he said he had been burdened today with the same thing! I could not believe how God worked. Sometimes I have no idea how to communicate to my husband the burdens of my heart, but God showed me that he was at work in both of us.
As I'm wrapping this up, I in no way need to be reminded that this life is short...I am reminded of this daily with my job. I was reminded of this when my mom's illness first started, and I was reminded of this when several of my grandparents passed away so suddenly. But God has a plan for our lives and we won't leave this life before he finishes his work in us. My dear friends, I pray that God may work in your lives to bring the ultimate glory to Himself. Would this world be worth living if we did not have the hope of Christ? I know many of you are struggling right now, and I'm praying God would continue to remind you of His presence in your life. Cling to the cross, not the flesh.
I just want to leave you with an amazing song with powerful lyrics by Brooke Fraser, C.S. Lewis Song:
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/brooke-fraser-lyrics/c.S.-lewis-song-lyrics.html |]
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5Oq16nXcKQ
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