The Glamorous Life of Motherhood: A Message to My Boys

You may not know yet that your daddy and I did something a little unique. We started an email account for both of you. Every so often I send encouragement notes, things I am learning, pictures, etc. We know that someday you will be technologically savvy and able to track everything we post to social media, so we want to start including and encouraging you.

On social media I try to post articles, comments, or pictures that are uplifting, informative, or adorably cute and funny. I know you are unaware, but I have benefited more than many know from the honesty and raw'ness' of some posts...particularly about motherhood. As much as I love being your mom and wouldn't trade it for the world, it's exhausting. Not only is the work of motherhood 24/7, but there is so much judgement felt, uncertainty in planning, fear of unknowns, and loneliness felt meshed with the joy, laughter, excitement, love, and smiles I experience when I'm with you. As an effort to encourage other mommies I know, show my boys what God is teaching and showing me, and have something to look back on to remember God's faithfulness, I'm going to be vulnerable and expose the 'messiness' of my life to you and others by linking or posting some pics throughout the past couple weeks. So in just a few more words, here's our meager beginnings in our journey through life together, and I'm convinced, some things I will truly miss as you grow older...

Everett, you LOVE to color right now. Crayons, marker, paint...you name it. You have marker up and down your arms and on your face, but I still let you make a mess by coloring ON THE PAPER. I love watching you work away...

So Bennett...this week we've had a rough one. No naps, up every hour at night, cutting teeth, and tugging, bitting, and pulling during nursing sessions wear's this mama out. But I know these things will pass. Part of the reason I think you don't want to sleep is due to the developmental milestone you've reached: crawling. Yep, at almost 9 months old, I knew you'd eventually decide to move. :) You have also taken off enjoying anything put in front of you...squash, sweet potato, avacado, applesauce...you name it. I have yet to find something you won't eat.  

We've had this Daniel Tiger book for 3 weeks now from the library. You won't let it out of your sight. I am waiting to get another Daniel Tiger book on hold at the library to exchange this one in it's place...Ohhh, your daddy and I are so tired of reading this one book OVER and OVER. 

Yep, that's right. This is the best family photo we can get these days.

And these...are the laundry piles that remain until someone visits and then gets thrown onto our bed. I sometimes catch up on laundry at night when you both are down for the night...sometimes...ok rarely. Ohhh the mess bothers me immensely, but I'm too exhausted to care or worry about it anymore. Plus, we had way more fun working on a puzzle and playing with play-doh that morning. I'm learning life is all about choices. This morning I chose to interact with my boys instead of running around like a crazy woman cleaning. :) 

No-Nap Benny is what I've been calling you all week. But...since you weren't napping while your brother was, I got a shower! (Since you sleep in the closet in our bathroom, and I can't take one when you are sleeping!) Anyways, those darn teeth. I'm praying for some relief from the 3 new teeth that erupted these past two weeks.

Here you are Everett: sick again! We went to Build-a-Bears with Aunt Jessie & Uncle Chris to use the gift card from the Grimmer's. You didn't want anything to do with stuffing a bear and putting a beating heart in him. You just wanted to bathe Aunt Jessie's bear AND this tiny pre-stuffed, rainbow kitty. Later, a band-aid was placed on Kitty's leg after several kisses to the boo-boo. :)

The most amazing discovery was made this week!! (see above) We all trekked out of the house in the pouring rain to make it to this church that offers a fun, indoor play area. I think this is where, Everett, you picked up your sickness, but it was barrels of fun for you. Benny, you were content just to hang out in the ergo with mommy while I talked to all my mommy friends. I'm so thankful for all the amazing moms at our church!

Lastly, I struggled to get my BSF lesson done for the week, but I did it! I sometimes have to take a picture of my lesson, sit in the dark with my phone on dim and read it while nursing Benny to sleep, but I am working on using my time wisely and efficiently. I'm so thankful to be able to study God's Word and have time to do so! My week, outlook, and mood is usually much improved when I carve out time to spend with my Heavenly Father.

And there you have it: my amazing past two weeks! Not too exciting and a bit ordinary and predictable, but God can still use those things. My daily prayer for my boys is that they would see the love of God through my hands of service to my family.

Bennett & Everett: Mommy and daddy love you. Through our imperfections and our mess, we pray that we can teach you about God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness that was extended and offered to us all.

On with our next week...

P.S.~ Because it has taken me two weeks to write this..hehe..this was as far back as 3 wks ago. :)
Deadlines get pushed back when mommy is sick, you boys are sick, and we had to deal with a tooth incident. More details to come on our our exciting adventures...

Blessed through a Curse

Our littlest man's birth story has me reflecting on a different twist to the expected norm in reporting these scenarios. Bennett Thomas you came in to this world beautiful, snuggly, chubby, and so innocent. I wouldn't change this story one bit...

Its no joking that one of the results of the curse of sin (for women) is pain in childbirth.
 Genesis 3:16: "To the woman He said, 'I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children." (NAS) At some point or another during labor I hit a wall. I can either decide I don't want to do this and "curse" God, or I can realize that labor is impending and learn to embrace it as beautiful (and HARD WORK!). My home births were a beautiful, quiet thing but don't get me wrong, it was tireless work nonetheless. While women (and men) continually bring children into this less-then-perfect world every day of every hour, I can't deny the euphoric feeling of laboring to know that a baby will be born and in your arms soon. In the midst of my childbirth, There is so much hope, joy, and anticipation in knowing you get to meet this little miracle and gift. April 21st 2014 was the day I had been waiting for:

A shower was thrown for me and happened to be just two
days before Bennett was born. Great timing! 

Bennett Thomas May was born on a very rainy evening at home. To my surprise, just two days post the 37 week mark, my water broke at 7:30am (as I literally sat up to get out of bed). It left me wondering if I was still dealing with the horrendous symptoms of the stomach flu (that I just got over!!) Not a pretty thing to get at almost 37 weeks but zofran was my friend. Anyways, To continue...minor contractions continued throughout the day, and I went about my business after calling my mom, sister, and midwife. (and rushing around trying to get my household in order!) I felt like I drank 20 cups of coffee, I was energized and elated to meet this little guy...and a bit scared. My Prayer throughout the day was that everything would go smoothly during labor and Everett would adjust well at Aunt Jessie's place. (his first night away from mommy and daddy) There was a bit of concern that labor had not started naturally due to possible dehydration and stress from the stomach flu. After going in for a quick appointment, our baby boy seemed healthy and in no distress and it became apparent that he was just ready to come three weeks "early." (once he was born and a few other things were calculated, my midwives though he only came 1 week early) So Adam and I rushed to get all the things we needed before our baby boy's arrival. A stop at Lowe's to get a few things for my birthing tub. Thankfully my "birthing tub" aka a fishy-themed kitty pool came just two days before! (Good call, Hun...even though you ordered the tub while I was puking my brains out. Haha!)

Sitting in my fishy-themed kitty pool while Marisa starts an IV.
Active labor begins around 5p and Everett gets whisked away to Aunt Jessie's. Then, Marisa had a hard time getting
an IV started, and I didn't blame her! I had horrible veins because  I was still a bit dehydrated from the stomach virus I had 3 days prior. Once an IV was established, I was given fluids at the start of active labor. I chatted in between contractions with my midwives, doula, and husband, and focused during contractions. I loved the company! My midwife even asked if I was this chatty during Everett's birth. Haha! (the answer is no: his birth was much longer and in the middle of the night.)  

My helpmate. I couldn't have done it without him! During Bennett's labor, I might have been repeating
"I hope I won't be in labor like this for 12 hours...(like E)" Thankfully my active labor was only between 3-4 hours. But here Adam is rubbing my back and speaking words of encouragement to me during these intense contractions and my doula kept reminding me to "breath" through my contractions. 

I don't want to mention too many details, but active labor started around 5p (when I got in my tub) and he was born around 8:30pm. For some reason people think that because I had home births they must have been easy and there were angels singing in the background...haha...Well, let me tell you, there was alot of blood, sweat, and tears during birth. However, I loved my home birthing experience(s) and was so thankful to be able to birth at home with my wonderful midwifes, doula, and husband right there beside me. Somehow all that work is forgotten as you embrace your baby for the first time...and hence, baby number two follows just 19 months later than your first. :)

Just born and love at first sight. 8 lbs. 4 oz. and a healthy 3 week early baby boy!

Bennett was named a few short hours after the birth. Thankfully, my laboring and birthing process went smoothly and uncomplicated. Our baby boy was quiet for a while after the birth and nursed right away. Praise the Lord! No signs of tongue-tie with this child! He truly was a "blessed one" or maybe that was us?

I received a blessing that night. One I felt I didn't deserve. One that depended solely on me. One that loved me unconditionally. One that had captured my heart forever. We were enamored!

Love at First sight...and maybe a few tears.

My midwives gave us 30 min of uninterrupted family time (after assessing we were all safe and well). Just me, Adam, and our newborn. We snuggled him, laughed, cried, prayed, ate PB&J, and named our handsome little one.
It was a sacred time to regroup and thank God for his protection and provision.

The midwives starting their head to toe assessment. 

Some closing thoughts:
God transforms a curse (in this case labor) into the most amazing blessing. Bennett was born into a broken, sinful world, but even in the midst of the brokenness there is hope and joy. What an amazing thing to reflect on as we gazed at our newborn and snuggled him close!

 I can't help but reflect on the birth of our Savior.  He was born into this cursed, broken world, but he came to break that curse. (not conquer our current sufferings) We have a hope and an anticipation of things to come through that little babe. Praise the Lord that Jesus came to conquer sin and death, enabling us to have unyielding fellowship with him. That little babe was the greatest blessing to the world...and the birth of Benny was our greatest reminder of that...

His first little cry. (Hence Carol's reaction in the background.)
It's ear-piercing in case you wondered. :)

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Cor. 5:21


P.S.
A very special thank you to my husband. The love of a mother is powerful. She is powerful because her husband uplifts and cherishes her. I'll never forget how amazing my husband was to me after we went through delivering Everett and Bennett together. He nearly passed out a few times, rarely ate, held my hand the whole time, etc. but mostly, I was treated like a queen. He may not know the full impact he has on me (and ultimately our boys) but he empowers me daily just through his sacrificial love. Thank you honey, for loving me through the raging hormones, Bennett's difficult pregnancy, our two home births, and the late/sleepless nights. I promise to work at showing you that, as much as I love our boys, you are my first love...next to Christ of course!

More pics cont'd.....

Such a chunky lil' guy! He came out with rolls and vernix galore!
Welcome to the world!

Everett's first meeting with his baby brother. Talk about love at first sight. Its amazing how God calmed my anxious heart in how Everett would adapt once I saw them together for the first time. (Thanks Aunt Jessica for watching Everett and capturing this sweet picture that I will cherish forever!)

Daddy time as mommy gets to take a quick shower! (the shower was amazing by the way!) Some of these pics
are very dark because our doula was conscientious of keeping the lights low as to not distract me
and bring about an atmosphere of peace and rest. Loved that! 

Bennett Thomas: named Bennett for "blessed one" and Thomas after
my father's name and brother's middle name. Somehow the nickname "Benny"
has stuck for now for our handsome little guy.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

A friend of mine from the good ole college days reminded me of the toughest 14 months of my life! They far exceeded nursing school, nursing boards, starting a new job, moving a way from family, etc. It was the best of days and the worst of days...life with a newborn as a first time parent. 

I loved my time with little Everett until the dreaded nap time or bed time. It was often times chaotic and unpredictable. As a type A personality, I HATED unpredictability mixed with the unattainability of communicating with my newborn and knowing his needs. Was he hungry, tired, teething, hurting, gassy, etc.?

I didn't really come in to parenting having many expectations. I knew there would be lack of sleep. I knew my newborn would be up frequently, etc. What I didn't know was how long it would last and what it was like to go through severe sleep deprivation?!?! College wasn't even good preparation (I remember thinking...haha!) 

Disclaimer: Now what I don't want to do is paint this horrible picture of what it's like to be a parent. That is not the point of this blog. What I do hope to get across is that it is hard, but there are many many rewarding times too. So stay tuned, I am just "setting the stage" so to speak...

I remember how agonizing it was to feel filled with anxiety to try to sleep when the baby was sleeping (stupidest phrase there is..in my opinion), while spending hours rocking, bouncing, singing, and silently praying he would stay asleep longer then 20 min...and then try to hurry and fall asleep. (Ever tried to hurry sleep?)

We went through phases: 

~I celebrated when I got a rare 4 hour chunk of time to sleep at night. (Maybe a handful of times it was 6 hours.)

~I celebrated when I was able to successfully put my child down to sleep

~I celebrated getting through a colicky night by taking a bath with Everett (we were prunny but happy)

~I celebrated first smiles and giggles

~I celebrated being able to successfully Breastfeed after struggling for months

~I celebrated getting through the 2 month phase of only taking 20 min naps 

Do you see a theme? I celebrated! Sure there were lots of days it felt more like a defeat, but God reminded me to find joy in the midst of my zombie like state. One thing that reminded of me of the joys of parenthood was pictures. I took them often! I sometimes was known to grab my camera on my so called "crabby" days and take pictures of Everett doing his thing. Somehow capturing funny, cute things changed my outlook. To me photography was like my "happy pill." Did it magically solve everything? Um, no. But it was God's beautiful reminder to me of the precious gift he'd entrusted to me. 

Sure, at about 14 months, things finally got better on the sleeping end and now it's on to some other challenges to tackle. (Tantrums, toddler ways, 2nd pregnancy, to name a few) But finding joy in the moment is key bc we are always being brought through something new...

 I leave you with a few pictures that remind me of the joys of motherhood and have some memories of severe sleep deprivation. :) Maybe you saw these of facebook, but did you know the real story behind it all? :) I snapped many of these photos in a "desperate state." Most I have kept to myself to cherish. I hope in sharing these (and the captions) to encourage your hearts emotionally exhausted and sleep deprived mamas everywhere. 

Only 2 weeks old. The love of my life and I were struggling to figure this breastfeeding thing while dealing with tongue tie problems...

Not much sleep last night. (Ginger's even exhausted..haha)

My crazy kid and his active lifestyle even during his naps. :)

Celebrating he fact that he was atleast napping in my moby. Loved that thing!!

Nervous about our long 3 hour car drive with a baby who screamed the whole time bc he hated the car seat, but excited to be celebrating Christmas this year as a family of three. 

 Loved kissing on my little guy. :)

Everett absolutely loved looking at himself on my iPad. Made him happy everytime.

Finally a piece of baby equipment mine loved!! He couldn't get enough of his exercise saucer!

Somebody was ready to ride in back on our ergo so he could see. A nice, brisk walk always made him happy.

And...who can resist a naked baby and his stuffed animal. :)

Singin' our sorrows away and having a good 'ole time. 

Ohhhh, it was a teething kind of day. But nothing a cute doggie and a raw, cold carrot couldn't fix. 

Giggles and laughs with mommy (and Ginger).

Celebrating being able to snuggle with my teething little boy.

Jumping away, so maybe he could sleep later. :)

Finally fell asleep while nursing. I treasured being able to get him down easily by nursing him!

...there's tons more to share, but here are just a few. :)

So Behind. Please Be Kind.

Since my last blog post, Everett is now 10 months older and life has changed a lot for us.

Our May Family 2013 recap:

January: trip to cancun with the May family

April: trip home to Illinois

May: Adam and his sister, Ashley, ran a half marathon in Chicago 

July: our month visit with family before moving out to Boise, Idaho

July: Michelle resigned from her job for the move

August: unpacking in Boise/ found a church home after one visit

September: We found out baby number 2 is already cooking!

September: Everett turns 1!

October: Michelle sick/ Everett's sleeping through the night! (A miracle indeed)

November: Michelle sick...sickness continues until 17 weeks along in pregnancy

December: Baby # 2 is a boy/flying home to Illinois to see family

It's been a nutty but blessed year! Now going in to 2014, I am sure it will be another crazy year, but I am always one up for a little adventure. Hopefully, I might be able to do more frequent blogging...

Happy 6 Months

Yay! We made it to six months!

I love my little man. He just learned to army crawl and man, does he get around and like to get in to things already! I love seeing him explore his own world at a new level. But as surprising as it is that he is "crawling" aka getting from point a to point b, he has not learned to sit. I don't know if it is so much he can't do it, as he won't. He wouldn't be my sweet, active little boy if he was sitting...too much to do, too much to see, too much to explore, too much to get into...

No teeth yet, but we are dealing with a nice little cold..snotty nose and all...ick.

We did however start experimenting with food. He played with an avocado and had fun squishing it and getting it every where but his mouth. That was fun to clean up. Then, we waited a few more weeks and I made some baby food with some fresh, organic produce. I love my beaba cook, which makes making my own baby food super easy. It steams, blends, and thaws food. Anyways, we have tried carrots (just ok), applesauce (loves it!), and today daddy tried giving sweet potatoes but he wouldn't have it! Oh well, we will try again a little later with sweet potatoes. We are mostly enjoying playing and experimenting with new foods...no rush, no pressure.

I still plan to breastfeed him to a year. I might have shed a slight tear that my little guy is getting more independent as the days grow. He does not like to be held much and wants to be exploring and "soon" he will be content with table foods and weaned from breast milk. But alas, my little guy is gaining his independence on his own slowly but surely.

Well, I cannot brag about Everett's sleep habits...or lack of. ;) He wakes every 2 hours (sometimes more sometimes less) and is only taking two 20min naps a day, but Adam and I have figured out a routine which works for us, so I can get a little more sleep since I don't get naps. (It takes me 20min just to get settled in bed) But Everett is happy, seems content, and our pediatrician didnt seem worried, so we are just going with it. Eventually, he will gain independence with sleeping too, but he is still so young to be expecting him to sleep through the night. I will admit, I enjoy rocking him at night while breastfeeding..the only time he will let me. ;) I will admit, however, it is very VERY difficult working going in to a high energy, 14 hour work day with 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep!! I am hoping to eventually pick up more shifts at the hospital...eventually.

I am so thankful for Adam and especially thankful he works from home. (I have been known to have a few meltdowns from time to time.) As much as I love my little dude, having a high needs or high "spirited" child is so exhausting. I have depended every bit of my being on my husband and spent many sleepless nights, rocking and feeding Everett praying...sometimes crying. I know the intensity won't always be this difficult, but there are seasons. I know God gave Adam and I Everett because we would be the best parents for him, so with that I am relying on God's strength and not my own. I do my best to focus at the task at hand and what works for us instead on growing discontent by looking at other families and their seemingly "perfect" child(ren).

As I am sure any parent would say, there are good and bad days. But, I don't know what I would do with out my sweet little boy. He may be spirited but he sure is happy. And I live for hearing his giggles and seeing his precious, heart-melting smiles. I am so blessed!!!

I must boast in two amazing things that have happened this month. 1: Everett miraculously started taking bottles!!! Yay yay! (He has been on a strike with them since 3 months) And 2: He is liking the carseat more. We went on a 40min trip to broad ripple (without anyone in the back with him) and we made it the whole way with no screaming. He quietly played with his toys and looked out that window. Hallelujah!

Ok, well I will try to keep updating the blog, but quite honestly, I can't keep my eyes off my little guy for two seconds anymore...

We Love all our friends and family near or far and wish we got to see each of you more. We pray that The Lord would continue to show each of you how much he loves you through the death and resurrection of his one and only son, Jesus. As a mother now, that has a whole new meaning to me.

Love,
Adam and Michelle