A Crown of Love and Compassion

I just finished one of my favorite books! Joni Eareckson has such a powerful testimony. At seventeen after a diving accident (and near drowning). Joni became a quadriplegic, unable to move her arms and legs. Her world as she knew it was shattered. She struggled with depression and anger, but eventually reached out to her loving Savior for the strength to go on. Not only did she go on, but she learned to use her testimony to share of God's redemptive love. She also was blessed with finding out she had an amazing gift...painting/drawing...with her mouth.  

Joni had a love for drawing horses.

I have really enjoyed this book. Mainly because one of my passions is working with teenage trauma patients, especially teenagers with spinal chord injuries. I knew I liked taking care of the teenagers, but didn't know spinal chord injuries were a passion of mine until I had taken care of a handful of patients with this type trauma. Teenagers are awesome! I think I found this out even more when combined with my job as a nurse, I started becoming involved with the teenagers at our church. I love them! There is so much they question and experience. They may not always tell you everything, but you get little glimpses of their thought processes every once in a while. Those you hold onto like priceless rubies!

After reading this book, I learned not only how to better my nursing skills, but was encouraged in my walk with the Lord as well. I was amazed at how many "stupid" responses and "advice" Toni received from people after they found out she was paralyzed. I can't believe people would be so insensitive and not think before speaking the first thing that comes to mind. But she showed such patience and love! I want to use one example that spoke to me:  

(After speaking at a conference) "Someone asked me,' Do you suppose you were so strong willed and stubborn that the only way God could work in your life was to 'zap' you and put you in a wheelchair?' I shook my head. 'In the Psalms we're told that God does not deal with us according to our sins and iniquities. My accident was not a punishment for my wrongdoing- whether or not I deserved it. Only God knows why I was paralyzed. Maybe he knew I'd be ultimately happier serving Him. If I were still on my feet it's hard to say how things might have gone. I probably would have drifted through life- marriage, maybe even divorce- dissatisfied and disillusioned.'" 

(Tada, 1976)

So many people that struggle with an illness, sickness, or injury at some point or another usually questions if God did it to them to get their attention or deal with them in some way. My heart breaks when I hear the person question it or hear others put this disbelief in their minds! I become angry! If this were the case, we would all deserve death (and we do). But thanks to our Savior, and Lord Jesus Christ who died in our place for our sins, we now inherit the righteousness of Christ when we trust in his sacrifice on the cross. Eternal life is ours! Accidents, trauma, rape, abuse, tumors, cancer, etc. are in no way punishment, but the result of a fallen world. If you are struggling with this I want to give you a Psalm to cling to. This is the Psalm Toni quoted:

Psalm 103: 2-5, 8-12

"...Praise the Lord, O my soul; and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Who satisfies your desires with good things...The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger for forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. "

That's just me getting a little something off my chest and out there. I pray daily for those I know going through loss and suffering. I believe the Lord reveals himself in special ways to those who are experiencing suffering. To those of you that are healthy, I pray the Lord will use you, abilities and all, to serve those in need. God called us to be servants to each other out of the example he set. Praying you have a blessed week ahead.

Love, 

             Michelle

It's a Beautiful Day

I woke up this morning hearing the birds chirping and singing their songs to the Lord. I love birds! I just laid there in bed listening to the sounds I have longed to hear all winter. Glorious! I feel like all of a sudden things are starting to come alive with Spring approaching. I just love this weather. Even people are coming out of hibernation. Adam and I went for a walk on the Monon Trail, and people and their pets were everywhere. I enjoyed seeing all kinds of people walking, running, rollerblading, and biking. I think Ginger would have enjoyed it more if she didn't stop to sniff EVERYTHING! (Oh, the joys of having a hound dog.)

I was also blessed this past week to spend a day with my mom (and part of the day with my brother). That came as a huge blessing. I have just been missing my family so much. Mom and I stayed up late in the morning talking, drinking tea, surfing the internet, talking about raising babies, shopping, and eating a good amount of food. I just love my mom so much. She means the world to me and I am blessed to have her in my life! Then, we realized I hadn't been home since Christmas and wondered where the time went?!?! My job teaches me to value to relationships and loved ones I have in my life on a daily basis. You never know when the Lord will "give OR take away."

This week I had another special blessing. I met an elderly man at work who was getting ready to celebrate 60 years of marriage with his wife. He learned later that day that his wife's prognosis was poor and her quality of life was diminished. He chose to remove her from life support and keep her comfortable until she passed. I had a chance to meet each of his children and learn about their family and the marriage of this wonderful couple. Sadly, his beloved passed, but he sincerely thanked me and congratulated me on the new life being formed within me. I saw tears come to his eyes as memories with his beloved flooded his mind. I prayed for his family, and then they left the hospital knowing their mother and wife went to be with the Lord. I formed a special bond with this family and feel so blessed to have gotten to know them. My prayers are with them as they continue to deal with their loss.

I had a doctor's appointment this week also, everything continues to look good and healthy. I have my ultrasound scheduled for next month! Adam and I laughed the other night. I said, "It has taken me this long to get used to having a baby. Now we have another surprise to look forward too. A boy or a girl?" The doctor asked me if we had any suspicions, and I said that we had no idea.

As far as Adam, he's continuing to train for his half marathon in May. I am so glad he has an outlet for all that energy! Also, he might be the only one I know who is disappointed about how mild the winter was and still keeps trying to convince me to move up North. NO WAY!

Follow Me

Well, I am already almost 13 weeks, but it's not official yet until Saturday...sooo...here's the official 12 week update.

Baby May is the size of a plumb and growing fast! I am definitely celebrating being done with my first trimester after I work this weekend. I made it! Hoping the nausea starts eventually settling down and my energy comes back. (At least for the 2nd trimester). I am not in denial that I will eventually feel miserable again once I near the end of my pregnancy, but I don't need people reminding me of that...so I am just taking one step at a time.

I am incredibly thankful for a healthy pregnancy thus far. For those of you waiting for 'the bump' it's coming slowly. But it's in that awkward stage right now, no pictures for me until it looks a little more prominent...

Adam and I laid awake in bed last night talking about the baby. It is amazing that out of our love for one another, God created something. All I have to do is eat and sleep and this new life is constantly being created and developed in me till one day this baby is introduced to the outside world. All of a sudden we are a family of two to a family of three. I am looking forward to experiencing different milestones with our pregnancy like feeling the baby kick, finding out the sex of Baby May, and seeing a growing belly, but all the while, enjoying each stage.

Today is leap day! It's also my half birthday (who says a 26 year old can't celebrate their half birthday, especially when it only comes every 4 years?!) and the day Adam proposed to me 4 years ago. We were cold sitting on the steps of Lake Michigan overlooking the Chicago Skyline, but it didn't seem to matter at that point. We were getting married and I had the best fiance and the most beautiful ring! It was a time God was showing me to let go of my plans and trust him and when I chose to do that, God revealed that he desires to delight and guide his children. God's plan turned out 10 times better than mine. He carried out all the details of getting married within 6 months, going to Ethiopia that Spring, and allowing Adam and I to find jobs in Indianapolis while I finished my last semester of school. I couldn't have planned it better!

 So I want to encourage you. Maybe you are a planner like me...that's ok! It's good to be cautious and organized!! But don't snuff out his best plan for your life just because you are afraid to hope or even ask him if it could be possible. God called many people to follow him and said come...not go home and pack, say goodbye to your families, or bury a family member. Follow him when he calls you and be ready. You may miss an incredible blessing from him if you say, "wait." This was one of the biggest lessons God taught me! So our engagement story is a reminder to me of the blessings God will bring when you trust in him.

And every day of our life since then has been doing the same thing. Trusting him. With our finances, our jobs, our marriage, a baby on the way,..(to be continued) What a blessing and joy it has been!

A wonderful day!

Our Big Announcement

Possibly one of the hardest secrets to keep of my life...we are expecting Baby May in early September!! Our whole world was changed when I took a pregnancy test before I left for work on Friday the 13th of January...and then took another one when I got home. I think two positive pregnancy tests had me convinced that Baby May was on the way. Needless to say, we are so excited!!!

 First, I have to give a shout out to my wonderful husband. I am so thankful for the stronghold he has been for me during my first trimester...(hey, it's a little scary when your body is changing and you've never experience pregnancy before, you're sick all day long, you're still working full time, and you're tired (and crabby). But he still was/is such a servant. I have avoided grocery shopping since the sight of food and the smell of it can trigger my nausea, so he has run all the errands. Unfortunately, my poor husband had dinner all fixed for me when I got home from work, and I just looked at my favorite food and said I'd rather have ramen noodles...haha. Thankfully he forgave me. So thank you hunny for being patient with me and keeping up with my demands. (I really am quite impressed...I knew I married a good man. :)

We have been married going on 4 years...and have experienced so much in those years. Moved to a different city/state. Started ministry together at a small church and met many wonderful people. I grew in my knowledge and skills of being an Emergency room nurse and now, an Intensive Care nurse. Of course we have great memories travelling. We drove the Blue Ridge Parkway and camped in the Smokey Mountains. Climbed the peaks of South Dakota and visited Mount Rushmore. Viewed the grandeur of the Grand Canyon and survived the Phoenix heat in the summer. Celebrated in countless friends' weddings. As well as spent many family vacations in Cancun every January. Adam and I would never take back those years we had to travel and develop our marriage...(and those will continue). God has taught us in our individual lives and helped us work together as a married couple. But all the while, we eventually wanted to have kids. So here we are in the eventually. We consider this another unknown journey. Our world is about to change for the good and we can't wait to add someone else to our family!

To our wonderful friends and family:
Your excitement, shrieks, screams, dances,  and speechless expressions have been priceless! :)

We feel blessed! Just wanted to share our news. I wish I could tell each of you in person, but it's taken nearly two and a half months to tell the few people that know already.... :)

Love,
Adam and Michelle May

After two of these, I was convinced. 

The cake we brought to surprise the Dennison Family. Their reactions were priceless!

Church or Not?: That Is The Question

Over the past month, I have had a chance to talk about church with several people. To 'do' church or not has been the question? Is it suppose to be motivating or give you the 'feel good experience?' Should you immediately feel like you 'belong' at the church you choose to first visit? These have all been the questions at discussion.

I do, believe it or not, in my twenty-six years, feel like I have learned something about this growing up in the church, being involved at churches, and now, with my husband being on staff at a church. Have my experiences at church always been positive? No. Have I ever been frustrated? Yes. Have I seen the good, bad, and the ugly? Yes.  Do I feel like "church" is going to always be a wonderful and feel good experience? No. Can it? Certainly. Have there been times I have not wanted anything to do with church? Yes. I am just being honest here.

But I also know that the "church" is made up of imperfect individuals...and we know that...since only One was perfect. (Matt. 5:48) Ever heard of the term total depravity?

I love this explanation, so I won't seek to put it in my own words:
"Because the Bible describes fallen man’s heart as thoroughly wicked and corrupt, theologians refer to man as totally depraved. This doctrine does not mean that man is as wicked as he could be. Obviously, there are some men that are more wicked than others. The pagan man who works hard to support his family, who is faithful to his wife, who obeys the civil laws is much better than a hardened criminal or serial murderer. Further, this teaching does not mean that an unsaved man cannot do good deeds. Jesus Himself acknowledged that evil men could give good gifts to their children (Mt. 7:11). Also, contrary to certain false misrepresentations, this doctrine does not mean that the image of God in man in the broader sense is destroyed. Man still has reasoning capacities and a conscience that discriminates between good and evil. Man has an active spirit that creates beautiful works of art, music, architecture, engineering and makes great strides in science and technology.

           What total depravity does mean is that man’s inherent corruption extends to every part of man’s nature. Because of the fall man’s whole being or heart is in rebellion against God. “Everything that unregenerate man does or thinks is undergirded by rebellious inclinations against God or motivations that are sinful.” Since the fall man’s whole nature has been polluted by sin. (Adam and Eve in Genesis).  “The imagination of a man’s heart is evil from his youth” (Gen. 8:21). “The wicked…go astray as soon as they are born speaking lies” (Ps. 58:3). “We were by nature the children of wrath” (Eph. 2:3). “The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it” (Jer. 17:9)? Consequently, men are actuated by wrong principles. The natural man’s thoughts, words and deeds are corrupt, because they all flow from a corrupt source. Thus, unregenerate man cannot choose or do spiritual good. He cannot generate the love of God or Christ in his heart and he cannot do anything meriting salvation."

A little depressing to think that we can be so separated from God for our sinfulness? The bible continually points us to our sinfulness. What could possibly be inspiring about this? Are you having a "feel good experience" when you go to church and hear this? Probably not, this is depressing!!!! But there is good news!

Once you reach this understanding, if God continues to work in your heart, you want to do know what's next...

Christ came to the earth. He was fully God and fully man. He lived a sinless life. His mission was to do his Father's will. He was faithful. He died on the cross for our sins. Jesus was the bridge between the once gap between God and man. After Jesus' sacrifice, he placed the sins of the world on him, since his Father is perfect, he turned away as his Son was dying. And once and for all, our sins were paid for by the only one could take them away. For those who accept Christ as their Savior, God sees us as righteous. 

That, in a very shortened version, is the crux of the Christian faith. It's our redemption story and song! We who were dead, are now alive with Christ. Now, that gives me a 'feel good feeling!!!' But it's only through knowing our own depravity.

"Church" may not be everything you wanted or hoped for. But it's really not about us. It's a chance to hear the Word of God preached (whether it convicts you or encourages), praising God through song, and meeting with like-minded believers. There is something so powerful in a congregation struggling, growing, and coming together to praise the same Savior who died for all. 

Believe me, I am talking to myself here. I find it funny that I am writing this when just yesterday I verbalized my frustrations to my husband with the church in general, and then feeling guilty for being honest, but God works in our honesty. 

May you be blessed this week knowing that we have a powerful, faithful Savior!!

               

Marathon weekend.

This month ended up busier than we thought, but amazing!

Adam ran the Chicago marathon at the beginning of this month. He did amazing. I am so proud of him. He started training in May and had been very dedicated to eating well, getting plenty of sleep, and drinking lots of water. If he didn't have time to run in the morning, he would run at ten or eleven pm. He was like a little kid the day before the marathon, he couldn't wait to say he was a marathon runner. I think the marathon was even more special to him because it was in his favorite city, Chicago.

With 45,000 runners and 1.7 million spectators it was difficult to spot Adam running. But between his family and I, we found him. Ashley had the route of the marathon on her phone, so we met Adam at four different spots along the way: mile 3, mile 12.5, and mile 19, and mile 26. We saw Batman, Spiderman, a 40-week pregnant woman, men in their 60s and 70s, and Minnie mouse all running the marathon. It was a neat experience even for the spectators, but more importantly I felt blessed that I was able to be there to support my husband. Check, one thing off Adam's bucket list.

Adam running by Moody. 

 Mile 26...almost done!

 Lots of people...

So proud!

Fall is here

Fall is here....

Well, almost! I am enjoying pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin bread, homemade chicken soup, chili, and carmel apples in front of our fireplace. Bring out the scarves and boots...I love fall!!! I think I might like fall better if I knew winter wouldn't come.

Summer was busy. We moved...to a two bedroom apartment!! Woo hoo! We love it, but hate moving. We went on our vacation to Arizona in July. Went to a friend's wedding in MN in August, went to visit a couple friends, a couple trips home to Illinois, celebrated my grandma's 70th birthday, and my great-grandpa went to be with the Lord.

Adam has been busy working for the church and his dad. We feel so blessed to be apart of Crossroads Church for 3 years now and blessed Adam was able to provide additional income by working for his dad's business. Adam, I, and the youth workers are excited that we have turned the "barn" in to the "youth barn." The decor is cool and they are working on a mural for the wall. It's exciting for our youth to have their own place! It's that time of the year for our annual church fall festival and the youth's regular weekend trip to camp PYOCA.

I have been working in the trauma/neuro ICU now for a year. Man, time flies. When I think about what I knew then and what I know now, it is crazy. I have learned so much and I love my co-workers and management. I just can't say enough!!

And Ginger, well she is still...............crazy.

And that's my update to you all! God Bless!